The world of video games, much like American politics, is made up of a two party system. On the one hand we have a group of individuals who value creativity, new ideas, and are the arbiters of all that is good; let’s call this group EA. On the other hand we have a collection of fascists who, through repetition, would love nothing more than to destroy everything we hold dear about our favorite franchises; for the sake of argument let’s call this group Activision.
This fall both EA and Activision will be releasing ‘modern’ shooting games with inspired titles. Activision will be releasing ‘Modern Warfare 3’ and EA will throw their hat into the ring with ‘Battlefield 3’; perhaps more interesting than the games themselves are the war of the words being levied by the two companies against one another in an effort to boost sales of their respective games. This back-and-forth has been handled by both parties with all the tact and grace of a playground squabble.
EA: “’Call of Duty’? *psh* More like ‘Call of Doody’, am I right?”
Activision: “That isn’t very nice; your being a poop head.”
EA: *Fart noises* *High fives friends*
Sick Burn Bro!
However, given all the coverage both EA and Activision have gotten their games, it’s no surprise that smaller developers are looking for a piece of that action as well. Last week Roflcopter Games, the small studio behind the upcoming indie game ‘Mutton Chop Attack’ sent out a press release. In it, the small studio declared that all other game studios were “little punks” and that they would “fight any of you bitches”.
A feud cannot be had with only one side and LOLcat Games was there to answer the call. Company CEO Rick Tavish, aka The Red Scare, released a statement saying “Rolfcopter Games is a scared little kitty cat. I am going to lay the smack down on all their candy asses. Do you smell what The Red Scare is cookin’?”
The Red Scare is undefeated in wizard combat.
Once Rick Tavish sent out that press release another soon followed, only this time it was not from either of the two parties already involved. This time the statement came from Archaic Magi Games and their PR representative William Mantine, aka El Pollo Loco. In the release Mantine stated “I recognized the name The Red Scare from his press release. I have been searching for that man since he stole my father’s game idea and made thousands of dollars off his creative mind. I will not stand for such an act. I challenge The Red Scare and anyone else who dares enter to a steel cage match.”
This is the only known photograph of El Pollo Loco
The fight, accepted by both The Red Scare and the entire staff of Roflcopter Games, was scheduled to take place on the evening of August during the full moon.
The stage was set for the showdown.
All the parties were in their corners, pale skin oiled and spandex on, ready for the inevitable rumble. However, at the last moment, all the parties involved suddenly had to withdraw from the match due to personal reasons.
After the match the parties once again released statements through the press. The Red Scare stated that his mom “needed his help. But for real, they would rumble next week”. The members of Roflcopter games PR department declared their pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket had “just finished cooking” and El Pollo Loco simply disappeared into the night, clucking.
Johnny Lightning writes a variety of articles for WikiGameGuides.com and can also be followed on his new found Twitter account here http://twitter.com/#!/WGG_JLightning