2 Chimps Ep. 74 - McFurburgers

Solifluktion's picture

Nice, exactly what I was wating for.

Just yesterday I started relistening to older Podcasts :)

Oh and afaik it's episode 74 ;)

Josh Kowbel's picture

You guys strayed into some very weird territory within the first hour. Still amusing of course.

For Gears 3, sprinting is fasting than rolling. They changed it because in Gears 2, rolling was faster than sprinting. Also, the platform you were describing getting stuck on has been fixed in the final game. There are dedicated servers for Public and Ranked matches too, but Epic has been updating the servers so frequently that it's hard to tell when you're playing P2P or on dedicated servers.

If you want to read a truly wrong comic about terminal illness, here you go:


John Tarr's picture

Yup, Ep. 74. Fixed.

Mason_M's picture

Just to let you know John, there's a video on Tested (sister site of Giant Bomb) that has covered the Portal 2 app. (Starts at 7:55)


Now I have a question for John. Will you ever allow for videos to be embedded from another web server using a different player than YouTube or Blip? The (apologies) less-than-stellar textareas don't allow for this, and sometimes I know that it would be easier to edit articles or guides better in straight up HTML markup.

I do have to complement you though for making the site easier to use for everybody else, but it gets extremely frustrating sometimes trying to get rid of line breaks and odd spacing in reviews or guide pages.

Squish92's picture

"I don't want to sit there for an hour and a half and watch that piece of crap."

No pun intended?

saxnoob's picture

It's still ep.73 on itunes btw

harouki's picture

Speaking of barfing in resturants...

Thanks for all the wonderful shitting/pissing/vomitting stories. I was halfway through my steak when you started talking about nasty bathrooms. Lost my dinner and earned quite a few nasty looks.

chad'spenis's picture

I discovered masturbation at sleep away camp when I was 12. Since I was afraid to jack it when I was surrounded by dudes, I went into a stall in the girls bathroom to pinch a quick nut. The operation was a success, until the next morning. Apparerntly, my 16 year old CIT had to shit when she sat on my jizz stain, and during the middle of her ovulation cycle at that-- meaning her ability to get pregnant was at a high point.

She ran to the camp's nurse, and thankfully my premature seamen did not knock her up. However, feeling guilty, I admitted my sperm to be the perpetrator, and my parents were called, wherein I had to explain to them the story in detail. When my dad picked me up 2 weeks later, he smiled and gave me a high five.

That's a 100% true story. If you wanna give me your ps3 version, I will take it.

RYNO's picture

Death Raven:

                       A very rare and dangerous gay sex position which has a series of steps needed to follow in order to perform it correctly. It involves Anti-gravitational sex like the fight scene in "Inception" Also you must rip a hole in the fabric of the space-time continuum, and penetrate it with the golden penis, the interdeminsional sperm will then travel through to the center of the universe and spawn the 3rd moon of jupiter, this is completed only after ou have disgraced 3 religions and traveled across the Baltic sea to get the hindu man that you need to tie up to fondle him. Warning, if aimed correctly the deathraven can destroy the Earth, and also reincarnation isn't guaranteed. This can only be done every 3000 years, the Mayans were the last to do it, legend has it, that the Egyptian pyramids wre actually markers to align the erection needed at stage 5 of the deathraven.

 PS3 Portal 2?

SevSeth's picture

You guys HAVE to talk about this on the next podcast http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/112671/att-capping-broadband-cnnmoney

AT&T (and Comcast) are capping customers' internet usage.  Kind of a big issue for people who watch NetFlix and Hulu a lot, and gamers. 

brodyitis's picture

Great podcast guys. It's even better while your playing Video Games.

Squish92's picture

Chad's Penis can probably back me up on this, but The Maltese Falcon is a great movie. One of the best film-noirs of it's day. Definitely not incredibly accesible though.

Mawc's picture


So about two years ago I went with some friends on a road trip to Silverwood (an amusement park known for it's rollercoasters and swimming pools) in Idaho.

We'd loaded up on cheap Chinese buffet the night before - no bueno. I took some pizza that looked to be about 2 weeks old. Really no bueno. Before we headed out to the park, I could definitely feel some fudge brewing down under, but decided not to coil a steamer until after. So a few rides in, and we're chilling in an enormous line to one of the largest and most popular rollercoasters, and I start to really feel it. A half hour wait in line is killing me, but I din't want to give up my spot. Finally, as we're ready to roll, I can't hold my cheeks back, and tell my buddies that the barbarian's are at the gate, and I gotta go. As I run out, frantically looking for a toilet before I update the captain's log, I notice on the map that the only bathrooms are the direct opposite of where I was standing. So, without hesitation I begin to book it. I'm literally clenching my cheeks, praying for dear mercy as some fat bitch yells "run forrest, run!" I reached the bathrooms, but it was too late. The scud I had launched had already half passed through the holed-netting of my swimming shorts, and was luckily resting on my thigh. 

Fortunately, we headed out to the pools straight afterwards where the lazy river did the rest of the cleaning for me. Needless to say, when I saw the kids behind me sucking up water in their mouths, and spitting it at each other I nearly died of laughter.

ResisBigGear43's picture

Ok I got one for you. This is a true story, I went with my high school to our Easter trip to Germany this past month and we visit many of their citites. So on our last day in Berlin we went around to bars my friend Pete gets the greatest idea in his opinion. He said to me that he want to go and get coke. I thought at first the drink but he said no the drug and he said that he knows drug dealers. I turn to him and said are fucking crazy. He said he will be fine that he knew a guy, and left the group and I joined him so he did get in trouble. He found one and talk they were talking in German and didnt understand a word but they made a deal and we went to a backally.

Once there we were about to make a deal when another drug dealer came out of nowhere and stab our dealer, four times. At this point I have shit my pants. The 2nd drug dealer pointed the knfe at us and was screaming at us and i asked my friend Pete what was he saying and Pete told me that he was going to kill us or that what he got out of it. So just as we were about to die a third drug dealer comes out and stabs him. So now the two of them are fighting each other so i took that distraction and I ran in a direction and never stopped. After ten minutes I stopped and I notice that Pete wasnt with me and i thought he got killed. So I went back to the hotel and I havent seen Pete in four Hours and I didn't know what to do, i still havent even thought about changing my pants, when he walks through the hotel lobby. I went up to him, I noticed he had the thing of coke and he wasnt even hurt. I asked him what happened and he said I don't want to talk about itand he never said a word about it since. So the moral of this life story is don't get drugs in Berlin there all fucking crazy, and bring money for new pants. Well I  hope that one was good be awesome I get that Portal 2 copy super excited thanks.

FratasticVoyage's picture

When you were reading off those stats, I was pretty sure porn was getting read off the moment you said "most likely to"

God Bless you guys.

Dan Broadbent's picture


That's called logging on to your internet.

brodyitis's picture

Poop related story? That reminds me of the time I had sex with a hooker in her colostomy hole  in Philadelphia... True story.

mRam's picture

Another great podcast, keep up the great work guys!

 - mRam from Australia~

EDIT: This is clearly a well thought out effort to win the competition!

Aquapit's picture

All these stories bring back memories....

Let's just say it involves entering a room with a boomerang, two bananas, a girl with an anus stretched enough to fit a tennis ball, and a donkey that went through some serious laxative abuse...

True story of course.

Awesome podcast as always, guys!

bip267's picture

I'm proud to say that I'm one of the Main reasons, maybe the only reason why adult videos are rated #6, thats right i visit this site that much. I tried to get it to be rank #1 but it didnt work out, sorry. Anyway great podcast guys and if i got to do the make a wish thing i would want to meet you guys in person or at least an autograph.

chad'spenis's picture

bitches tryin to 1 up me.

Squish92, did you assume that based on my Eraserhead profile? Well, the answer is yes. I would even go so far as to say it is very accessible. The characters are likeable (especially sam), they all fit into standard roles in the story-- partly because the maltese falcon set a precedent for film noir storytelling-- and the "whodunnit" premise is as riveting as it is easy to follow.

A must see.

Again, John, I like portal 2, just saying.

chad'spenis's picture


MarkOswald's picture

You definitely cannot drive to Brasil. There's this huge break in the highway system between Panama and Columbia.

explicit_baron's picture

Chadspenis has the best story soo, can I borrow it off him when he's done? :D

Veemon3449's picture

Once upon a time John Tarr gave me Portal 2 for PS3.

Solifluktion's picture


Your story was quite entertaining :) Thank you.

NightShroud's picture

Japanese companies still believe that Japan is the core of gaming and Sony is a big believer of that and square enix is that amongst the devellopers (Final Fantasies took 1.5 years to get to europe). Even though gaming IS big in Japan (if you look at the sales, almost every japanese got 2 DS's) but they are very small minded if you can get so much more by giving the western countries (which have double the market potential of Japan) more attention. And companies like Xbox jumped on that by catering to the more western market with more action oriented RPG's and FPS's. But speaking of Square Enix: Every game squeenix put out goes for the full price of 60-70 euros. Something else to note is that when FF7 came out on the PSN-store it was priced 4-5 euros above all other PS1-classics. Even when Squeenix releases some Iphone app they charge you A LOT more for very little.


Also I lol'd so hard with Dan's story with the toilets. Not because it's funny but because I did the same thing once. It was in Italy when we were taking the train somewhere and it was towards the end of the journey, so no one was full on cash. 3 of us needed to go so bad and we were like: "split the money and all of us go in ". Then 2 of us faced the wall when the other took his shit and then switched. It was the most crazy thing I ever did in my life.


P.S.: sorry for the spelling but you know. The way to learn is just to go f*cking do it.

What_grenade....boom's picture

i'll see your colostomy bag and hole and raise you a glass eye and eye socket. mmmm face porn

explicit_baron's picture

that piss video was soo funny, I can imagine john walking and peeing when he's hammered.

TastyBizkitz's picture

Another excellent podcast as usual. This made me happier then when I heard Osama Bin Laden was killed. Just gives me that feeling of pride and a HUGE 'merican boner. I once shit myself when I was listening to a lil' podcast called 2 chimps on a motherfuckin' davenport. I was listening to Chad and though "What a guido"! Totally the guy to walk around in a wife-beater flexing the arm he is carrying his Monster energy drink in. I LMAO-ed until I let loose a milkdud, followed by the soft-serve. Clean up was especially fun because I used a diaper that we keep for my brother. Yes, he is older than me too. 

Needs more and more guests! Keep em comin' Granny! I love the sound of Jesse's bottom bitches in my ear as I waggle my Wii-mote. Cause I'm a hardcore gamer. Which is why this podcast is so great to me. Please never stop making them, If you do stop, I will use portal momentum to throw an RJD2 straight into your mouth so afterwords you'd have to say something funny. And that would be....really cool. 

P.S. Bizkitz are Tasty

P.S.S. So are Explicit D'z and Johny Tarr'z

BearBaron's picture

Hey guys so I got a funny story/joke for you. Hope you enjoy this.  Hope to win Portal 2!


So one day a doctor is in his office and a college girl walks in.  The doctor takes a look at a letter "H" shaped mark on the girls chest.  "What happened?" The doctor asked.  "Oh, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he was wearing his Harvard sweatshirt. He loves it and never takes it off."  The doctor gives her some rash ointment, and she leaves.

Another girls walks in with a smiliar story-instead, with a "Y" shaped rash on her chest.  "What happened?" said the doctor.  The girl says "Oh, my boyfriend was wearing his favorite Yale sweatshirt when we were making love. He's a diehard Yale fan." Doctor perscribes her some ointment, and she leaves.

A third girl walks in, with a rash on her chest as well--this time, with an "M" shape.  The  doctor says "Let me guess, you're boyfriend goes to Michigan?"  The girls replies "No, but my girlfriend goes to school up at Washington State!"


There ya have it, my story/funny comment to try and win Portal 2. If u read this, thanks alot and keep up the good work


Squish92's picture

I assumed because you mentioned your film major and all that. The Eraserhead avatar as well.

It definitely is a must see. Sitting in my DVD collection across my room.

sargeant smiles's picture

This may seem weird to you guys, but you are sort of my version of celebrities, I don't give a shit about most (Except Deadmau5 and Skrillex (Listen to Skrillex, John), who I watch interviews for regularly, mainly because I like making music, and listen). So keep up the good work, and don't do crack.

PS, you guys seem to act differently around Kirsten (However that name is spelled), like you're trying to impress her or some shit, but that's mainly Dan, John doesn't seem to care.

Level One's picture

I shit my pants in a starbuck's. Twice!

 i still own and use my tape rewinder.

and i just relized im using incognito :( 
edit:(yes i was looking up mcfurburger <3)

FratasticVoyage's picture


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